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Grab hold of those Glimmers!

We often talk about triggers in grief, those emotional or unexpected moments that activate a memory or reminder of past traumatic situations or grief.  These stressors cause deeper sadness, and often physical reactions such as increased heart rate, irrational thinking, or inability to calm ourselves. 


There has been a lot written recently about glimmers – the opposite to triggers.  Glimmers are the quiet moments that can help you find calm at a time when the body or mind is in a darker place.  Glimmers can be fleeting moments of hope, healing or joy that shift our nervous system to a place of calm.  It can be as little as enjoying a hot chocolate, or having a laugh with a friend.  On those dark days when grief is pulling you back, glimmers can be the little fairy lights to guide the way forward.   This is not to say that seeing glimmers will ‘fix’ your grief, but the positive mindset will help you heal and provide benefits for your wellbeing. 


So what does a glimmer look like? 

Glimmers can be the everyday things like going for a walk, watching a sunrise, a random act of kindness from a stranger, a smile and a hello from a work colleague, finding a new friend at a grief support group, a friend picking you up to accompany you to an important appointment, or an afternoon at the movies.  Or listening to your favourite song playlist, leaning in to smell a flower, listening to the morning birdsong or rain on the roof, children laughing in the playgroup, sunlight streaming in the window in the morning, a relaxation massage.  The list really is endless and each person will find safety, comfort or calm in different moments depending on our individual likes and dislikes.


Where do I find these glimmers? 

Glimmers can be everywhere, but depending on our mood at the time, we might not always be open to noticing them.  Ironically, it is at these times that we most need to notice them.  One strategy would be to have a list the things that could be a glimmer for you.  If you feel triggered, look at your list and consciously seek out something from your list that will help regulate and soothe your nervous system.  The more you get to know what actions spark these safe and calm feelings, the more often you will subconsciously notice these glimmers. 


What are your glimmers? What makes you feel safe, loved, reassured or happy?

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Past musings

Loss of a partner is mind numbingly unimaginable loss and takes a toll on all. Unfortunately no one can give you healing. They can facilitate that feeling but You need to initiate the actions - YOU


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